Active Listening

When we reflect on a tough conversation, often times we find that communication was an issue. Maybe you did not feel heard or maybe you did not understand what the other person was trying to say. Communication is the root to a successful relationship and Active Listening is an essential component to effective communication. It is a tool that requires a person to thoroughly absorb, understand, respond, and retain what’s being said from another person.

Although we can’t eliminate all the pain life presents our friends and loved ones, we can offer one another immeasurable support in difficult times simply by listening in authentic, empathetic ways.

Dr. John Gottman

Here are some helpful tips that can strengthen your active listening skills:


Pay attention

One way a person can utilize active listening is by paying attention as the other person is speaking. This active listening skill requires an effective listener to listen without interrupting the other person to provide a response. Another way to be an active listener is putting away all digital distractions. Put down the phone or the tablet and turn off the tv. Being an active listener by paying attention is also communicated nonverbally in our body language. We can do this by making eye contact with the speaker. Too little eye contact can communicate disinterest in what they are saying or it can communicate nervousness, or lack of confidence, while too much eye contact can communicate intrusiveness or hostility towards the speaker.

Create a Judgment-Free Zone

An active listener must also work to provide a judgment-free zone. This can be a challenge to some listeners who find it hard to rehash a painful situation or perhaps the topic of conversation is something that the listener does not agree with. We see often in situations where a person is not providing a judgment free zone, conflict pay arise and we do not hear the message that is being communicated to us. We must strive to be open to what the speaker is saying in order to move forward in communication.

Be aware of your nonverbal cues

Think of a time when you were talking to someone and you felt like you were not being hard? Sometimes it can feel like you are talking to a wall. To help the speaker know that you are listening, it is important to acknowledge the speaker. This can be as simple as nod of the head. Another way to show the speaker you are listening is by asking a simple question to probe more at the topic or comment on something they are saying. An example would be, “Yes, I can see how that can be hard for you.” This also a part of providing feedback to the speaker. Providing feedback can help the speaker know if their point was communicated and if they heard you correctly. If you feel like you need clarification on something, this is a great time to ask. Part of active listening is being sure the message was communicated and received clearly.

It is nothing new to say that human relationships are complex in nature but the more you practice tuning in with presence, openness, and care and practicing active listening, the easier it becomes to navigate tough situations. If you are interested in learning more about how to navigate difficult conversations or grow your communication skills, schedule an appointment today. We are here for you.