Trauma and Control
Stepping into a counseling office and finding out that the events you have been going through has a name, Trauma, can hit you all at once. You may find yourself feeling overwhelmed, confused, or maybe relieved that someone finally is listening.
Chronic trauma refers to the continued exposure to any form of abuse (including sexual abuse), war, poverty, domestic violence, and the list goes on. Out of this repeated exposure, a person carries with them changed ways of viewing the world around them. Often times, the trauma of one’s life leads one to feel they need control. This creates a perceived safe environment and a way to protect from future hurt. Some ways the need for control manifests in a person is:
The past is “off-limits”. Out of fear of having to relive what they have been through, a person chooses to not want to talk about past events.
They appear emotionally unavailable. They safeguard themselves and often make it hard to engage in intimate relationships.
A person carries unrealistic expectations of themselves and of others.
They refuse to take risks, like changing jobs or starting a new relationship. This is rooted in their fear of change or perceived insecurities.
They tend to be afraid of abandonment. A person who was unable to trust people in the past may find it hard to connect with others because of their past experiences.
An important step to overcoming this need for control is recognizing the root cause of it. This can be done by talking to counselor and unpacking your past hurts. As one continues to heal their wounds caused from trauma, it is important to establish healthy relationships with safe people that teach you how to be in the present moment. This can look like a close friend, a partner, or a coworker. It is important to understand how our past experiences impact present and future moments so you can live your life free from the need of controlling every aspect. While we can never undo the past, we can heal from it where we are today and learn new skills to have a healthy present.
Counseling creates a safe place to explore our past hurts and gives us the tools we need to become our true and authentic selves. If you are in need of a place to process past traumas and work on your personal healing, contact Dillon Guillot, MAMFC, LPC, CSAT, EMDR, with Heritage Counseling Center today. Dillon Guillot is a CSAT, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and a Trauma Therapist who practices in the heart of Lafayette, Louisiana. He also sees clients via Teletheraphy throughout the state of Louisiana.
“Knowing oneself comes from attending with compassionate curiosity to what is happening within.”
-Gabor Maté