Sex Addiction: It’s not just about Sex
When we often think it of sexual addiction, we think of the person who is often labeled as “womanizer” or “player”. However, many times sex addicts look and behave just like you and me. Sex Addiction is the invasive pattern of using sex or sexual media, such as pornography, to cope with or medicate emotions and thoughts in a repetitive pattern.
People who struggle with sex addiction often exhibit these following behaviors:
“Needing” to be sexual
Frequenting strip clubs and/or massage parlors for the purpose of being sexual
Excessive/Addictive use of pornography
Compulsive masturbation
Compulsive pornography use
Paying for sex or online sexual content
Addictive sex with partner
Voyeuristic and/or exhibitionist behaviors
Objectifying people
Becoming sexual very early on in new relationships
Casual and/or anonymous sex
Online and/or local affairs
Having multiple relationships at the same time
Sex Addiction is more than just the actions of a sex addict.
Many times, we get hung up on the behaviors that come with sexual addiction but it is important to understand that the behaviors mask the pain and the hurts that existed first. Simply put, sex addiction is NOT about sex. It is about meeting legitimate needs, (which are not sexual), in illegitimate ways done in a repetitive pattern. Understanding the legitimate need that is being met by the sexual behavior is the key to unlocking the roots of the addiction.
Just like any other addiction, sex addiction thrives on shame and secrecy. Often times, addicts live two lives. There is a public life, where they go to work, church, small groups, and watch football games with their families. Then there is their private, hidden life. This secret life is kept hidden and divided from their public life due to the intense fear of ruining their image in the public life.
The addict lives with the thoughts, “If they really knew me and what I’ve done they would reject me, hate me, and abandon me.” “I’m unloveable and unwanted because of what I have done.” These messages of shame and pain only further the cycle of addiction and drive the person struggling with sexual addiction further into their addictive behaviors.
So what’s the first step? Healing from sexual addiction involves getting rid of the shame and the secrets that you carry, while integrating into one, wholistic person. With the help of a licensed therapist, you will examine your past hurts, pains, wounds, and trauma that shaped the reason you began using sexual behaviors to cope with the chaos and confusion of your life. You have to learn how to obliterate shame and see yourself as a uniquely created person whom God made perfectly. You have to educate yourself on the schemes of your addiction and learn to overcome, even go to war, against urges and temptations.
Healing is possible and it is our privilege to walk along side you in your healing journey. We would love to help you take your first step in overcoming sexual addiction. Reach out to us today and schedule an appointment in person at our Lafayette office or virtually anywhere in the state of Louisiana to learn more about recovering from sex addiction. Dillon Guillot is a trained and licensed counselor in the state of Louisiana. He is also trained in EMDR and is a trained CSAT, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist.
